Brian's got the poops
by skinnyangrystarman
Summary: Brian isn't happy. His little brother had hooked him up with a certain Vortixx and creatures from The Void (TM) are storming the town. First fic attempt. Crackfic.
1. Chapter 1

There were two things on my mind: Lunch and Xbox. Mum and Dad had left on a business trip, so I was home alone. Before I could even get back in the house after waving my parents goodbye, my phone rang. Food and games had to wait, sadly. I fished my vibrating smartphone out of my pocket and answered it.

"Hello? Hello hello?" I groaned in irritation at the nasally voice of Declan, my annoying pest of a brother. I had already guessed what he was calling for.

"Yeah, hi. Why're you calling, Dec?" I feigned ignorance to the reason why he called. Declan cleared his throat and replied in an enthusiastic tone.

"How's it goin', bro? Listen, I kinda forgot my lunch money-" I cut Declan off before he could get any further.

"I know, that's why I slipped a fifty under your mask, you leech." I smiled, listening to the sounds of my sibling picking behind his mask. Declan was, in fact, a Bionicle. I accidentally created him when I was five by wishing for his existence on my birthday. Weird, I know, but I really liked Bionicles. I still do, in fact. Declan gasped, then giggled giddily.

"Thank you! I know how to pay you back!" I went still, fear creeping into my mind. I sputtered and hastily tried to steer Declan away from any ideas he may be thinking about.

"Dec, no! Last time you paid me back, you replaced the entire police force with nothing less than the Toa Nuva!" Declan wore a very powerful mask that could make his wishes come true. This ended up with the whole town being filled with Bionicles, all of them being attempts to 'repay my acts of kindness', as Declan puts it. He was only twelve, but he had a penchant for troublemaking.

"I know! You seem pretty lonely, so maybe a pet? No, wait! A girlfriend!" My mouth dropped open in a silent scream. Before I could say anything, a bright, purple flash appeared behind me.

"Declan! NO!" But it was already too late. Dec had hung up. My hand slid slowly from my head to my side, phone held loosely in my hand. When I did dare turn my head to see who Declan had summoned, I almost died.

Roodaka, former Viceroy of the Visorak Horde. Now, life partner of Brian Hagys.

_Roodaka!? Lord have mercy..._


	2. Chapter 2

A/N – I should've said this before, but I do not own Bionicle. I only own my OCs. Chapters will now be 1000 words each at least. Updates won't be scheduled or often.

What a way to start the day. It's nine o'clock and Declan has already started causing chaos. Roodaka still stood behind me, smiling as if she's happy to be here. I had not moved from the doorway or stopped frowning. There had to be some reason why the infamous Xian was okay with this. I turned my body around to face Roodaka and started asking her questions.

"Did Declan bribe or blackmail you?" Although unlikely, Declan did run the Food Black-Market at school, so I wouldn't put it past him to do that, the sneaky bugger. Roodaka shook her head and said 'no'. I hummed and thought of another query.

"Did Makuta put you up to this?" Again, Roodaka replied with a negative. I ran out of questions, so I called Declan to find out what was going on. Dec picked up on the second ring.

"Brian? Why're calling so soon?" The confuddled voice of Declan was barely audible of the sounds of the schoolyard. He must've been waiting for class to start.

"Oh hey, uh, first of all, why Roodaka? Second and most importantly, why is she happy about this?" I could hear stuttering followed by laughter. Dec explained to me that it was the time of year where Vortixx looked for a partner. When I say partner, I don't mean a partner in the political sense, like marriage in the Bionicle canon, but _that_ kind of partner, like, leftover Hordika instinct type. To make matters worse, Roodaka had been eyeing me for a while, according to Dec. I made my way from the door towards the kitchen only to be halted by black and silver arms.

Going to the holy food land to cry alone, silently, was a no-go, so I had to settle for being held captive. I was led over to lounge and any had ideas I had about escaping were lost when Roodaka laid herself down, my body still in her clutches. There was no way I was getting up anytime soon.

"So, Brian, tell me about yourself. I want to know how you came to be the way you are today." I don't even want to describe voice Roodaka used when she purred into my ear. I honestly thought I was going to feel sick. I physically suppressed a shudder and replied to the Xian holding me hostage.

"I should start at my 5th birthday, as that is where the excitement started..."

OOO

Today was my birthday. Mum and Dad insisted I invite friends, but I didn't have any, so I lied and said no one could come over because of the flu. They believed me and let me stay home to play all day. I spent most of my time playing with my Bionicles. I just _loved_ them. I had the movie trilogy and Bionicle Heroes for the DS. I remember getting my first Bionicle, Jaller Inika, on my 4th birthday. That's how I got hooked. I was busy trying to draw Jaller posing heroically when a deep voice boomed from across the house.

"Brian! C'mere, we have something for you!" Wordlessly, I dropped what I was doing and headed to the kitchen. My parents stood at the dining table, wearing big smiles. I had one as well, because on the table was the Axonn and Brutaka set.

"Thank you!" I wrapped my little spaghetti arms around my parents' legs, then made off with my birthday gifts as soon as I let go. As soon as I stepped into my room, there was no way I was leaving; I had two new companions to assemble...

In the darkness of my room, a single desk light illuminated my upper body, table and the wall behind me. The newly put together Brutaka and Axonn stood in front of me and my notebook, watching over with a gaze as threatening as their Kanohi allowed. I was doing my unfinished schoolwork, occasionally flitting my eyes up to admire my two new study buddies. They couldn't help me with my work but the plastic guardians of the Ignika kept me sane and that was enough.

When the clock struck five at night, my fingers were cramped and my head was sore but I had finally finished my blasted schoolwork. I was sprawled out on the floor, almost asleep. My brain was stewing in its thoughts, thinking trivial things like what I'm going to have for breakfast tomorrow. Eventually, I settled on a particularly sombre thought: my lack of friends. It wasn't that I was some sort of pariah, the problem was nobody, including myself, had the chance to sit down and talk to anybody. Things got in the way all the time.

I huffed quietly and closed my eyes. With all the fervour a five year old could manage, I made a wish.

"I wish I had someone. I don't care who, I just hate being so lonely!" I whisper-shouted to the ceiling. Mysteriously, something went _thud_ behind my head. I was about to get up and investigate but a purple mask appeared, upside down and hovering over my face. Then, it spoke.

"Are you my brother?"

OOO

"So, yeah. From the that day onward, things got interesting. Declan got his name because I suggested it jokingly and he just went with it. Quickly, he adopted the habit of making sure he paid back any acts of kindness. Of course, that gave him opportunities to be humorous." Although I couldn't see her, Roodaka seemed rapt with my recount of my fifth birthday.

Later, I had managed to recap what else I could remember of my time on Earth, however, it took a few hours. This included the town's slow population shift from just human to human-Bionicle and the following shenanigans. I also made sure to mention Declan's direct effect on the lives of the townsfolk, not excluding my own. Roodaka listened to my ramblings, not once interrupting. Just as I wrapped up The Epic of Brian, the front door opened.

"Brian! I'm _hooome!_~"


End file.
